Saturday, July 13, 2013

You Can't Make Me (Put I Can Be Persuaded) by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias - Book Review

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From the back of the book: Turn Conflict into Cooperation
 
Many parents suspect their strong-willed child is deliberately trying to drive them crazy. Difficult to discipline and seemingly impossible to motivate, these children present unique, exhausting, and often-frustrating challenges to the those who love them.

But strong will is not a negative trait. These same children have firm convictions, high spirits, a sense of adventure—all the makings of a great adult. In this book you’ll discover how to channel that passion and determination in positive ways as you build a healthy relationship. Through insights gained from strong-willed people of all ages, you’ll…
·         better understand how their minds really work.
·         discover positive ways to motivate your strong-willed child.
·         learn how to share control without compromising parental authority.
·         apply key tactics to survive a meltdown.
·         get practical tips for parents who disagree, blended families, and single parents.

Packed with  immediately useful strategies to drastically reduce the level of tension in the home (or in the classroom), You Can’t Make Me shows how you can start today to build a stronger, more positive relationship with your strong-willed child.

Includes…
·         Top Ten Tips for Bringing Out the Best in a Strong-Willed Child of Any Age
·         A Strong-Willed Child Emergency Kit


I was very interested to read this book, as I deal with Strong-Willed Children (SWC) in my role as a teacher.  Tobias does a very good job in explaining the thought process of a SWC, as she is one herself.  I found it very interesting to note that she does not equate being strong-willed as being bad or argumentative, but more along the lines of wanting some sense of control over choices. Some of this is done in how things are presented; for example, rather than an ultimatum about a situation, give a SWC two choices that will achieve the same outcome. She presents several strategies for bringing out the best in a SWC as well.  They include:
            1. Choose your battles. Don't make everything nonnegotiable.
            2. Lighten up, but don't let up.
            3. Ask more questions; issue fewer orders.
            4. Hand out more tickets; give fewer warnings.
            5. Make sure your SWC always knows your love is unconditional.

Each idea or strategy is supported with anecdotal evidence from her own life (she has a SWC son), or the lives of people she has met and/or counciled.

Tobias also spends a chapter discussing a SWC attitude towards school, which is often indifferent at best.  The approach, both teacher and parent, to a SWC who is just flat out refusing to do school work is key in (hopefully) turning around the child as a student.

The final sections of the book cover dealing with blended families with a SWC; when to take drastic measures due to potentially harmful behavior; and encouragement in restoring a broken relationship.

I found this book to be very enlightening, with many practical ideas and tips for interacting with a strong-willed child.  I would recommend it to anyone who is in regular contact with a SWC, but particularly parents and teachers.

I received a review copy of this book from WaterBrook Multnomah Press in exchange for an honest review.


Turn Conflict into Cooperation

Many parents suspect their strong-willed child is deliberately trying to drive them crazy. Difficult to discipline and seemingly impossible to motivate, these children present unique, exhausting, and often-frustrating challenges to the those who love them.

But strong will is not a negative trait. These same children have firm convictions, high spirits, a sense of adventure—all the makings of a great adult. In this book you’ll discover how to channel that passion and determination in positive ways as you build a healthy relationship. Through insights gained from strong-willed people of all ages, you’ll…
·         better understand how their minds really work.
·         discover positive ways to motivate your strong-willed child.
·         learn how to share control without compromising parental authority.
·         apply key tactics to survive a meltdown.
·         get practical tips for parents who disagree, blended families, and single parents.

Packed with  immediately useful strategies to drastically reduce the level of tension in the home (or in the classroom), You Can’t Make Me shows how you can start today to build a stronger, more positive relationship with your strong-willed child.

Includes…
·         Top Ten Tips for Bringing Out the Best in a Strong-Willed Child of Any Age
·         A Strong-Willed Child Emergency Kit - See more at: http://waterbrookmultnomah.com/catalog.php?work=179032#sthash.vsxYnFXg.dpuf
Turn Conflict into Cooperation

Many parents suspect their strong-willed child is deliberately trying to drive them crazy. Difficult to discipline and seemingly impossible to motivate, these children present unique, exhausting, and often-frustrating challenges to the those who love them.

But strong will is not a negative trait. These same children have firm convictions, high spirits, a sense of adventure—all the makings of a great adult. In this book you’ll discover how to channel that passion and determination in positive ways as you build a healthy relationship. Through insights gained from strong-willed people of all ages, you’ll…
·         better understand how their minds really work.
·         discover positive ways to motivate your strong-willed child.
·         learn how to share control without compromising parental authority.
·         apply key tactics to survive a meltdown.
·         get practical tips for parents who disagree, blended families, and single parents.

Packed with  immediately useful strategies to drastically reduce the level of tension in the home (or in the classroom), You Can’t Make Me shows how you can start today to build a stronger, more positive relationship with your strong-willed child.

Includes…
·         Top Ten Tips for Bringing Out the Best in a Strong-Willed Child of Any Age
·         A Strong-Willed Child Emergency Kit - See more at: http://waterbrookmultnomah.com/catalog.php?work=179032#sthash.vsxYnFXg.dpuf
Turn Conflict into Cooperation

Many parents suspect their strong-willed child is deliberately trying to drive them crazy. Difficult to discipline and seemingly impossible to motivate, these children present unique, exhausting, and often-frustrating challenges to the those who love them.

But strong will is not a negative trait. These same children have firm convictions, high spirits, a sense of adventure—all the makings of a great adult. In this book you’ll discover how to channel that passion and determination in positive ways as you build a healthy relationship. Through insights gained from strong-willed people of all ages, you’ll…
·         better understand how their minds really work.
·         discover positive ways to motivate your strong-willed child.
·         learn how to share control without compromising parental authority.
·         apply key tactics to survive a meltdown.
·         get practical tips for parents who disagree, blended families, and single parents.

Packed with  immediately useful strategies to drastically reduce the level of tension in the home (or in the classroom), You Can’t Make Me shows how you can start today to build a stronger, more positive relationship with your strong-willed child.

Includes…
·         Top Ten Tips for Bringing Out the Best in a Strong-Willed Child of Any Age
·         A Strong-Willed Child Emergency Kit - See more at: http://waterbrookmultnomah.com/catalog.php?work=179032#sthash.vsxYnFXg.dpuf
Turn Conflict into Cooperation

Many parents suspect their strong-willed child is deliberately trying to drive them crazy. Difficult to discipline and seemingly impossible to motivate, these children present unique, exhausting, and often-frustrating challenges to the those who love them.

But strong will is not a negative trait. These same children have firm convictions, high spirits, a sense of adventure—all the makings of a great adult. In this book you’ll discover how to channel that passion and determination in positive ways as you build a healthy relationship. Through insights gained from strong-willed people of all ages, you’ll…
·         better understand how their minds really work.
·         discover positive ways to motivate your strong-willed child.
·         learn how to share control without compromising parental authority.
·         apply key tactics to survive a meltdown.
·         get practical tips for parents who disagree, blended families, and single parents.

Packed with  immediately useful strategies to drastically reduce the level of tension in the home (or in the classroom), You Can’t Make Me shows how you can start today to build a stronger, more positive relationship with your strong-willed child.

Includes…
·         Top Ten Tips for Bringing Out the Best in a Strong-Willed Child of Any Age
·         A Strong-Willed Child Emergency Kit - See more at: http://waterbrookmultnomah.com/catalog.php?work=179032#sthash.vsxYnFXg.dpuf

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